The Net’s Most Wanteds

When things are not “how they’re supposed to he,” how we suffer. Life events which assault our assumptions of how life should be are difficult to handle and require patience in the recovery, and rely on the development of strong emotional intelligence.

HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE

We set out in our adult life with certain expectations about how things are supposed to be. It’s part of our upbringing, part of our culture, and part of the values imparted to us by caring parents.

“You’re supposed to get your degree, then get a job, then get married,” says one parent. In another family the formula may be “Follow your heart. If you love her, marry her. The rest will work out.” But behind these life rules passed down are certain assumptions, i.e., job, education, partner, marriage, children.

We learn it about little things as well as big. “He should have [was supposed to have] thanked you for that,” says your parent, or “He should’ve thought about that beforehand [that's what he was supposed to have done].”

Basically we assume a natural order along with this. It may vary somewhat, but at midlife you’re supposed to find yourself (1) married, (2) with children, (3) with a good job, and (4) money in the bank. Some time after that, we expect to have grandchildren, we expect to be able to retire well, and we expect to be OK financially. Behind these assumptions is the fact that we’re supposed to have a good life if we do what we’re supposed to. 1 + 1 = 2.

When this natural order of things, and our sometimes unmindful expectations, are not met is when trouble occurs. We suffer when we are forced to retire sometimes more because of the emotional affront than from the actual deed.

I say “unmindful” because often we aren’t aware of what we assume to be our rights in life until they are violated. WE should never be burglarized, we assume, and are shocked when it happens. WE should never have a teenager in a rehab facility, we assume, until we find ourselves there. WE should get promotions, we assume, until we discover that the corporation where we work values other qualities rather than the fine ones we possess and ‘knew’ would take us far. WE should have grandchildren, because everyone does, we assume, until the day our child informs us she plans to have no children.

RESILIENCE

What do we do when this occurs? It requires the EQ competency of Resilience, which means the ability to bounce back from failures, losses, rejections and adversity. The good news is that it will also build it. Most of all it requires emotional processing and growth.

Why? Because I could delineate here the logic and rationale that would lead you out of the turmoil intellectually (if only that were possible). The cold, hard facts are that we don’t always get what we want, that tragedy occurs, that children die before their parents, that the best of workers gets fired, that there are no guarantees the one you love will love you back, that you can maintain a strict health regime and still need a bypass at 55, and that a cushy retirement is a phenomenon produced in the minds of a generation whose parents never expected such.

But does this help? No. In fact it sounds cruel. This is what happens to OTHER people, we will always think, and if one of these adversities occurs, we will struggle with the question, “Why me?”

Sadly, the more appropriate question is “Why NOT me?” and how that hurts.

The acts of 911 brought this actuality to the lives of many people who hadn’t experienced it before. “This could never happen” became a reality and it shook our foundations. This is what resilience is about. It’s about what do we do when we land on another planet, when we lose our moorings, when nothing makes sense, when the sun we expect to rise every day one day does not, when the things we believed in no longer hold true.

Resilience involves flexibility and forgiveness. Forgiveness of ourselves, of other people, of the random universe, and for whatever spiritual expectations and beliefs we held, and the flexibility to cope with something entirely new. These assaulting events cause us to reorient, to think things through at the deepest level, and to learn new ways of not just adjusting, but of adapting. We may even be called upon to have a metamorphosis, like the tadpole. It can feel like you’re a creature with gills who lives in water who is suddenly required to grow lungs and breathe air.

While we continue to hope and believe that bad things won’t happen to good people (like us!), it’s wise to work on developing your emotional intelligence so some of these skills are available when you need them. Once you understand the fundamentals, you can begin applying them to small matters in your life. It’s like flexing your muscles. You’ll be glad you did!

HOW TO BEGIN

You can begin by taking The EQ Map ( http://tinyurl.com/z94t ), an emotional intelligence assessment. Then take The EQ Foundation Course (see my website), read some EQ books ( http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html ), and work with an EQ coach.

Many people who begin this journey say, “It’s the missing piece.”

About the Author

©Susan Dunn, MA, Personal Life coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering The EQ Foundation
Course and other Internet courses, coaching and ebooks
for your personal and professional development.
mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine. I train and
certify EQ coaches. I train and certify EQ coaches. Email for information.

A beautiful, 2-story, 3800 square foot home was built on the site of what was previously the McIlvaney Academy which was claimed by fire in 1919. We call this home “Vanderbilt Place.” With its hardwood floors, French doors, claw foot tubs, five fireplaces and high ceilings, one would be hard pressed to find a finer place to rent either for a night or for a year.

In 1920, the home which is presently located on the site was built. In a recent article which the local newspaper was kind enough to run, I asked if anyone knew anything at all of the home’s history if they would please call me. One elderly gentleman said the house was owned by a family with the last name of Henry and that the house was always “crawling with children.”

Another woman I met said she boarded there while in college.

I heard from another man who said his mother ran the house as a boarding home for college boys back in the 1940’s and 50’s. He said, in those days, there was another structure on the property – a garage apartment – which he and his brothers slept in. I was told by the previous owner’s son that there was indeed a garage apartment on the property. He said, though his father tore that structure down around 1999 or 2000, it was not beyond repair.

One humorous call came from a man who said the entrance to the kitchen used to be all glass but, when he was a kid, he was throwing a ball indoors and broke the glass, “a day,” he added, chuckling, “that will live in infamy.” That fellow added that his dad had installed some sort of a spring-loaded contraption designed to raise and lower garbage cans as “dogs, cats and varmints were everywhere in those days.” He said that there was no reason to ever remove the device and that, chances are, it’s still buried there till this day.

A few weeks ago, two white-haired ladies dropped by the house. They said they were from Granbury and were part of the Henry family that once lived there. In fact, when the house was “crawling with children,” they were part of that group. The ladies were very kind and had many nice things to say about how we were decorating the house. One lady was even moved to tears. They explained how the house was always a rooming house of one kind or another, and showed us how the room that we now know as the kitchen used to be a small apartment. The master bathroom is now blocking what was once the back door, a straight shot from the front door. The French doors we see at the end of the downstairs foyer weren’t always there as those same doors once divided the living room from the master bedroom.

One night, as I was affixing numbers over the upstairs bedrooms, I could not help but notice that there were already nail holes there from previous room numbers. Though we’re certain the house has undergone a number of renovations in its 85-year history, we are quite proud of the fact that we are remaining true to the original uses and purpose of the building, i.e., providing a comfortable, sweet-spirited place where people can lay their head at the end of the day.

Anthony Tummillo is the owner of Vanderbilt Place in Stephenville, Texas and he and his wife, Maggie, cordially welcome you to stay at their lovely home.

My wife, Barbara, and I bought the house in August 2005 and my parents, Maggie and Tony Tummillo, moved to Stephenville from Las Cruces, New Mexico and are now the proprietors of Vanderbilt Place. Rooms run $290 per month with a $150 security deposit. Cable TV is FREE and the utilities are paid. For those who sign a 6 month lease or greater, their first month will be free, too. Photos of the rooms and property can be viewed at http://www.vprooms4rent.com and we can be contacted at 254.965.6328 or eMailed at reservations@vprooms4rent.com

Look Good & Have Fun This Summer With The Perfect Beach Wardrobe

It’s that time of year when we pack up our bags and head to the
beach for the day to enjoy those warm sunrays and the refreshing
sound of the lapping water.

So what constitutes a good beach wardrobe. Well there are
certain essentials that none of us forget. On goes the swimsuit
and bathing suit cover, flip flops on our feet. Beach bag has
been packed with the essentials – sunglasses, floppy hat, towel
and a good book. Great – got the basics covered but what about
the rest.

So if we are so prepared for a day at the beach, why is it by
the time we get home we look pretty worn. Here are some helpful
tips to make your day at the beach fun and keep you looking
fashion fresh all day and all the way home.

First before you leave home, if you’ve got long hair pull it
into a high pony tail or fun knot. Use some funky hair
accessories that will stay in place when you’re swimming. Try a
fun colored bobble or some firm fastening clips in bright summer
colors. If you pull your hair up your neck will stay cool and
you’ll look fresh all day with your neat hairdo.

Second slather yourself in sunscreen before leaving the house,
then toss the sunscreen in your bag so you can reapply after a
swim or every few hours. A sunburn is not only unhealthy and
painful, it’s unattractive, so don’t let yourself turn into the
lobster of the day. Your sunscreen should be a SPF of 15. It
doesn’t hurt to use a strong SPF on your face or your entire
body if you burn easily.

Your beach bag should be large enough to hold your supplies for
the day. Why not get something fun and fashionable to keep you
looking fashion fresh. Make sure you’ve got all the daily
essentials in your bag – sunglasses, sunscreen, a good book, a
floppy hat, some lip gloss, and any other makeup touch ups
you’ll want. If you plan to wear eye makeup make sure it’s
waterproof. Stay away from heavy foundations. If you must apply
something use a bronzer moisturizer. It’s also a good idea to
bring lip balm with an SPF15 to protect your lips. It never
hurts to put some moisturizer in the bag. Include a snack and
plenty of fluids. It’s important not to get dehydrated.

Okay great we’ve got the basics covered now what about the
wardrobe basics? If you’re planning to wear a swimsuit it’s
usually easiest to put it on at home, that way you’re not
chasing down change rooms. So great – first on goes the
swimsuit. Now what to wear for a cover? Well you’ve got plenty
of choices. A tank top and shorts, tank and skort, or a nice
light cotton dress all work well over top. Choose something
that’s easy to put on and take off, and choose fabrics that
breathe to keep you cool. I also suggest including a long
sleeved cotton blouse just incase you start to burn you can
protect your shoulders and arms.

If you’re planning on heading out later in the day without
returning home you might want to toss a pair of jeans or long
skirt into your bag. If your outing is going to extend into the
evening you’ll want to include a sweater for the cooler evening
air. If you’re worried about your evening wear getting sandy or
wet at the beach, then place them in a separate bag and leave
them in the trunk of your car. That way you are guaranteed
they’ll remain fresh.

My favorite beach look is this. And what’s perfect is it keeps
me looking fashion fresh throughout the day and takes me right
into the evening. First I like a swimsuit that’s got lots of
support and is bright and cheerful. I throw a fitted tank on top
and throw on a loose flouncy long skirt. The long skirt serves
me through the evening and also works great to cover up if I’m
starting to burn. I choose a lightweight material in a darker
color with a pattern that accents the colors in my swimsuit.
Flip flops are my footwear. Depending on where I’m heading after
the beach I choose either a basic pair or one of my funky pair
with rhinestones or crystals. Easy to walk in, feet breath, and
terrific for an evening out. I keep a fitted light weight
sweater in my car, and take a long sleeved cotton blouse down to
the beach. I usually choose a long sleeved and long length
blouse because it’s versatile. I can knot it to create a short
blouse, wear it long as a beach cover, and put it on if I start
to burn on my upper body. I usually choose white or a soft
pastel depending on my other colors. I like white because it’s
cool to wear and refreshing to look at. Every year I buy a fun
new beach tote that’s big enough for the beach but not too big
as to take it with me for an evening out. I like a fun bag
that’s full of character.

Since I always feel naked without my jewelry I wear fashion
jewelry to the beach. That way should I loose something I won’t
be out a lot of money and I won’t feel so bad. I like to keep
the earrings simple and elegant. I may or may not wear a
necklace. Often I’ll toss a funky wood necklace in the bag to
add to the evening outfit. I like to wear a couple of fashion
rings just to add the finishing touches. Now if you’re fussy
about tan lines you’ll probably want to forgo the rings. I toss
my watch in the bottom of my bag so I can put it on later.

That’s it – simple is the key. Keep your beach wardrobe choices
simple but fashionable. Think ahead so you can go from beach to
an evening out without hassle. Remember to always make your
fashion statement!

When it comes to finding the best tanning bed lotions you will find that there are many choices of tanning lotions to choose from. In fact a quick search on Google will find you almost 900 different types of tanning lotions to choose from to include bronzers, indoor tanning bed lotions and the widely popular tingle factor suntan lotion. Tanning lotions are primarily used to acquire a deep natural looking tan when exposed to the warming and soothing rays of the sun. Although these sun tan lotions will turn your skin into the dark bronze color you so desperately crave they do very little to prevent the sun’s harmful rays from damaging your skin. So please keep that in mind when utilizing any store bought tanning lotion.

So now that we have established the many different tanning lotions available on the market why would you consider a sunless tanning lotion? Well, for starters a sunless tanning lotion would be a good choice for the title of best tanning bed lotion because it’s made primarily for tanning indoors under the intense rays emitting from the professional grade tanning beds that are sold for commercial tanning salons as well as for tanning in the privacy of your on home. With the ability of not relying on the sun in order to produce a stunning tan these lotions become very easy and convenient to use in any indoor setting. When used properly many of today’s top tanning lotions, also serve as a moisturizer that protects your skin while allowing for a natural looking tan to develop.

Tanning bed lotions became extremely popular several years ago due to the national warnings regarding the harmful effects on the dun’s rays on the body while exposed to the sun even for a short period of time. They have since evolved into tanning sprays that not only protect the skin but also enrich it making the cell structure stronger and healthier. Tanning bed lotions are popular wherever tanning salons exist which is pretty much everywhere from California to Maryland and even in Florida.

Sadly when people see a tan or have a tan they think of it as a beauty symbol or status of some sort when in reality all it truly reflects is damaged skin cells that if consistently burnt could lead to serious side effects such as skin cancer. And it doesn’t stop there because we have migrated from the best tanning bed lotions to tanning pills and tanning accelerators but their use has slowed down due to the harmful effects they render to the skins normal cellular life. However if someone simply must have a tan pigment to their skin then the sun less tanning lotions do offer a safer way to achieve the golden tanned look they want without as many harmful side effects.

Timothy Gorman is a successful Webmaster and publisher of Tanning-Bed-Solutions.com He provides more information on the best tanning bed lotions, tanning beds and lamps that you can research in your pajamas on his website.

*The History of Pilates

In order to understand the basics of Pilates and why it can
work for you, you first need to understand where Pilates came
from. Pilates was originally formed in Germany by a man of the
same name, Joseph Pilates.

Joseph Pilates had many health afflictions as a child. The boy
wanted to overcome the hardships he faced. He hoped exercise
would not only boost his morale, but also his body’s defense
against his illnesses.

The year was 1880 when Joseph Pilates was born. During his
youthful years, he tried a number of things to try to strengthen
his body. After several failed attempts to create the perfect
program for his frail form he came up with the series of
movements we now know as Pilates. However, it wasn’t until the
1920’s that the movements Joseph Pilates created were truly
perfected.

One of the things that make Pilates so great is that the
movements and exercises you do seek to give you strength and
flexibility, but not to build any serious amount of bulk to your
frame. Pilates is not about building muscle, it is about working
with your body and not against it. You need to be able to take
what you have been given and make that work for you before
attempting anything else and that is the philosophy that Pilates
was founded on.

As you learn more about Pilates you will find that it is
designed for each person’s body. Pilates will align your bones
through a series of movements and this will allow your body to
work with less strain thanks to the activity of exercise you are
achieving.

Pilates appeals to a number of people. It doesn’t matter what
type of person you are or what level of training your body is
at. Pilates can help you improve your body’s natural functioning
as well as help boost confidence and your mental wellness.

The most wonderful thing you will discover about Pilates is
that you don’t have to suffer through the movements to feel
better. You are training your body with intelligent design and
therefore you will not need to work twice as hard, as you may
have to do with other work out programs.

Pilates was set up to create balance within your body. This
will help you to realign your bones and can also help to improve
your posture. Another positive feature is the lean muscles that
you will form thanks to your workouts.

Pilates is excellent exercise for everyone no matter their
shape or size. In fact, many videos and exercise clubs have
created classes for people with disabilities, arthritis, general
strength or weight loss issues, different strength issues, and
even for pregnant or birthing mothers.